You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
