I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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