He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FUCK WHALES
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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