Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Cover your peen. We're going out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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