They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
