A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
