Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
