U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
