Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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