K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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