No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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