Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
