She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
