btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
how does that bad decision feel?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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