what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize