Pants 0. Shit 1.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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