If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
