just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just puked most of my soul out..
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