brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
