my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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