It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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