thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
