The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
