I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
