So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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