I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
