You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
NoShamevember. You game?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
