Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
