Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
