You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My bed smells like the plague
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
