don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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