I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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