Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
