hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
