I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
