Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
