well you can't waste a boner
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
