genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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