I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
