sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Congratulations! We have a period
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
