I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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