ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize