I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
