Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
