i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize