I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
