You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
