Say something about gay babies.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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