How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
