in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
