if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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