Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
