I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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