They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
