just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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