he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I look better un-naked...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this will be a night to untag.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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