Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
