There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
