I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
