I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
