I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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