i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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