im having a threesome with these popsicles
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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