Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
