were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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