I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
